Hey There! I haven’t written in a while…
I wanted to follow up with a part 2 of is “marriage a choice or an emotion” blog, because I wanted to dive into the 3 words mentioned from the previous post : choice, feelings, and development. In the previous post I tackled the word “CHOICE” and today I will tackle the word “FEELINGS.”
Feelings are defined by an emotional state or reaction, and at times it can be how our brain rationalizes whether we should be commitment or not. The word “feelings” is often used to describe a physical sensation through either experience or perception. Every relationship goes through the euphoric feeling of first love and then as the years continue on in the “marriage roller coaster” journey you may hit some disappointment bumps on the ride as differences emerge. The first bump on the marriage roller coaster ride may make you fearful that you made a mistake or that you should get off of this ride. I want to encourage you that just because the euphoric feelings at times disappear that doesn’t mean you have lost all emotional feelings for each other, in fact they can deepen into an eros and agape type of love. In marriage you have to work toward a deeper sense of emotional love for each other, and that is not accomplished through choosing to disconnect from each other emotionally for long periods of time. Yes, you will have moments where you need to regroup and reflect, but don’t run away!
When the roller coaster goes on a downswing that doesn’t mean jump off the ride, because the roller coaster does go back up ! I know, I know none of us like the idea of ” work” but my marriage feelings began to strengthen as I saw my husband dig in and do the hard work of connecting emotionally. I saw him not given up in spite of his feelings at the moment and it stirred a deeper love for him as we continued to work.
Was this uncomfortable yes, but strengthened ABSOLUTELY!
If you are on a downswing of ” feelings” on the marriage roller coaster, refocus on the idea that as you continue to dig under the surface of your feelings, you can enhance them and allow them to get stronger. You may feel that there is no hope for your feelings to return, but the truth is that it can be better and stronger than it was before. Write out positive affirmations for your feelings and discern your emotional responses as these are ways to train your thoughts and emotions in a healthy way.
Negative feelings are usually rooted in unmet expectations and/or past trauma, but we have to hold ourselves accountable for our thoughts and feelings and not allow them to get out of control. Let’s learn to confront these feelings and continue to look towards our commitment; and stay on the RIDE!
Feelings will change, but they can change for the better and switch from euphoric to a deep connecting bond.
Praying that on your roller coaster dips you begin to throw up your arms and in glee and excitement as you stay on the ride! You will grow in your ability to handle the dips and elevations together.