So, let me be very frank from the beginning of this blog and say that most couples have this moment at some point in their marriage. Many couples go through the “what did I get myself into” kind of feeling, and to be honest, I never thought I would have that moment. I remember praying for this man, asking God for this man, praying with this man, I just knew God said this was it, and so I thought there is no way I would have that moment.
Many of us reach that moment due to the uncomfortable sensation of CHANGE and the release of selfishness. There are some couples that don’t have this moment in marriage, and walk into marriage sober minded and understanding all the beautiful dynamics of growth that marriage entails. But many of us don’t always understand its unique complexities and beautiful metamorphism.
Here are some points to encourage you to not fret and flee just because you thought that thought.
- Warfare against marriage – First we must understand that the flesh struggles to commit and dedicate itself to things long term. Also, the devil never wants the family to thrive and will do anything to draw our attention away from it. There are so many outside things in the world that wage war on our commitment to our marriage. So be very mindful that you have a battle partner for life as you fight to preserve the family unit and walk out what love looks like.
- Realize you and your spouse are changing – The process of marriage involves two people changing constantly. Early in my marriage I use to think “he will never change”, or this will never change. Basically, I gave up on my husband’s development process. Some things change slowly at least it was for me. Things I never felt like he did in year 1 through 7, here I stand at year 10 and now he does things I prayed for in my early years. Understand that you married an imperfect person. God’s love is an unconditional love that is beyond reason and logic; and as you tap into God’s love it will help you love with a love that defies logic or reason as well. Allow time for your spouse to transform.
- Standing on truth and hope – Don’t lose hope and find a truth to stand on. I stood on the phrase God is going to do a brand-new thing in my marriage until I changed and my marriage changed. I didn’t want what we had before but I wanted him to do a new thing! So, stand on faith and truth when your feelings don’t align with what you see. Remember teams are not built in a day. Teams are developed through practice. (I love a good sports analogy) You are two separate individuals learning to play together.
Love is cultivated. Love is not this cosmic feeling dropped down from the sky by Cupid. I remember in year 1-7, and I thought this should be easy, but as I journeyed with my husband, the work it took to cultivate our relationship made me fall in love more. Because when he had the chance to take the easy route and quit, we chose each other over and over again.
keep growing strong together, DON’T FALL FOR THE I QUIT MOMENT!